Author note: Irregular Update (´・ω・`)
When I came to, I was standing in a weird place with black walls and floor.
“A～, annoying... This is so troublesome.. how did this role get forced onto me anyways?.. Just because you’re my superior doesn’t give you the right to... ah! I think I’ve just gotten a good idea. To the guy I’m supposed to deal with, I can just give him a terrible power that will destroy the world, then I’ll never receive any troublesome work ever again! Yaha, I must be a genius! Now then…”
In front of me was a gaudy woman who was applying something that looked like cosmetics on her face and hair while holding a hand mirror in her hand and complaining about something dangerous. “Is she a gal from somewhere? Puuuuuh, wow, she looks good, but she isn’t really popular.” Although I nearly said so, I thought those words impolite for a first meeting, so I held them back.
“A～, you…eh... the plain virgin. Because I’d like to give you a skill and send you off to a different world at once... well... now, tell me your name! When I don’t know your name, I can’t give you a skill. You’re like a very dull NPC. My one second is incomparably precious compared to your one second as an insignificant human since I’m a pretty pretty goddess, so let’s do it quickly!”
With eyes that were looking at me as if I were a trashy bug, she commanded.
This gaudy woman is saying some very inexcusable things. I mean it’s not like she’s certain I’m a virgin!! ……Although I am one!
I´m getting transferred to a different world? She, a goddess? What absurd things to talk about.
How do parents educate their kids these days?... I want to see her parents’ faces! Really..
If I knew that I was going to be transferred to a different world, I should have taken a cup of instant noodles…… A～, I’d like to eat ramen with lots of pepper on it.
“Don’t stay silent, tell me your name, quickly!! I have no time to spend on a guy like you after all! Now that you know, tell me your name!”
Her frustration obvious, the self-proclaimed goddess scratches her head with her right hand with all her might and raises her voice in anger.
Does that self-proclaimed goddess not know the word graceful? She should try asking again after she acts like a more graceful woman.
No matter how many times you look at it, the vicinity here is black, black, and more black. There is nothing other than black. Ah, right, there was that one gaudy woman.
I don´t want look at that eyesore, so I will keep her out of my sight.
Since a little while ago she’s been noisily chattering, but I’m not particularly bothered about it. Therefore, I’ll let her chatter until she’s satisfied. Ah, I'm such a gentleman.
“A～～～～～～h! I´m irritated!!! Make it quick!!!! I want to sleep already! If you aren’t transferred to the other world, I can’t get out of this room!! Therefore tell me your name!! ...A, I might just transfer you without an ability if you waste any more of my time, you know. It’s not like I have to give you an ability. Yeah! I can wait till next time to destroy the world. Then, if you ignore me any more, I’ll just transfer you straight away.”
The self-styled goddess continued giving off angry words in frustration, she seemed to have thought of something suddenly and floated a nihilistic smile.
A～, she started again. So noisy.
Eh? Isn’t this rather ugly for… rather does she really want to sleep so badly?... Should I at least give her an answer? It isn’t good to ignore her much longer. Like my dead grandma always said, reply to the words of a person properly. Un, I’ll do that.
It’s not because I never want to be incompetent. Really.
“Eeh!? Wait! Your voice is too small, I can’t hear it! Taking off that mask and speaking clearly is common courtesy right!? Right!?”
………………………… Should I beat up this fellow?
I just got scolded by someone who doesn't know the difference between courtesy and boorishness.
………… Well, I’ll just endure until I get my ability. Afterwards, I’ll beat her up.
As I curled one hand up into a fist, I took off the mask as asked.
“……Well, excuse me. Once more, I´m Saginomiya Iori. There’s something I want to ask about……have my other classmates been transferred by you?”
“Well, Saginomiya Iori is it? It’s a wonderfully plain name... It’s so plain that I might instead remember it! Oh? A～, that. I’m only in charge of you. Your classmates probably went to the other godesses, Fake Boobs and Drag Queen, and also goddess Bitch. Anyway, now that I know your name, I’ll give you a skill.”
The self-proclaimed goddess turns her gaze away to the ceiling and as if thinking of something mumbles: “Uh… that and that…”
Witnessing that from the side, I concluded she’s a weirdo.
“Well, this, this and……. if only you had this you can destroy the world… A～, this too. I must be the most generous and caring virtuous goddess for sparing my precious time to teach a man as ugly as you. Other than those skills you’ve already had from the time you’ve been on Earth, the skills I’m giving you now can immediately be used. The skills that we give are called inherent skills. The skills you gain after being transferred to the different world are acquired skills. Well, because the acquired skills are only skills which are leftover trash, you need to thank me who gave you skills forever! Since it’ll be a problem to me as well if the skills weren’t granted to you successfully, check them now.”
During the conversation, the self-proclaimed goddess’s expression kept on alternating between angry and triumphant. The special skill of this self-proclaimed goddess is the hundred faces!! Possibly……
The gaudy goddess seems to have given me quite a splendid skill. For the total collapse of the world.
Since it’s come to this, I’ll check them out. Or thought so, realising I had no idea how to do so. Explain it properly, you useless goddess.
And I noticed from our conversation earlier, does this goddess have a grudge against other goddesses? She called them considerably terrible names. Well, not that I can do anything in the first place.
Right, right, I was going to beat her up after I received the skills but there’s a change of plans. Isn’t that wonderful, miss self-proclaimed goddess? I’ve decided to beat you up right before I’m transferred. Ah, since the skill might disappear when I anger the goddess, should I beat her up to the limit?
“Emmー, Goddess? How do I confirm my skills…?”
I asked her awkwardly after repressing my anger towards this self-proclaimed goddess with effort.
“You don’t even know that? This is why you are still a virgin... you should think up your status in your head. A～, will I ever encounter the gentle, good-looking man of my dreams?.. haa…”
When talking with this gaudy woman, do I have to hear the unnecessary things which have no relation to the conversation at all? Or rather, a woman like you will never have an encounter like that. Ever.
Well, it doesn’t concern me. Now status……
Saginomiya Iori 17 years old
Magic defense: 1000
Skills: Sword arts, Spirit possession, Body strengthening, Alchemy, Space magic, Ice magic, Vampirezation, Cooking, All language comprehension, Appraisal, Disguise
Title: Person summoned to a different world
Wow, a status is really floating before my eyes.
Oho... huh? Looks like there’s a skill called vampireization here……….wait, normally people are transferred to a different world to subjugate the demon king… right? Won’t I die?.. not that worrying would help.
“Hey, Goddess-san, I’ve confirmed them, but as a trial… can I try out the ice magic? To use it I probably have to imagine it right?”
“You seem to have gotten them properly, yes, yes. I never fail. However, just to confirm, spirit possession? All except for the sword art skill are skills which I gave you! Thank me. Well, ice magic is good. Now get that over with and leave for the other world.”
If you already know what skills I have why bother having me check them again? Ah, not good. Endure the anger just a little longer, me.
“Yes, yes, I understand. Hmm, here I go.”
(Idiot, I’ve waited for this moment!! Since when I attack, I may have my skills taken away by this goddamn goddess. So I’ll either have to disguise it as a magical accident or do it right before the transfer. Since I can´t take this anymore, I’m choosing the former. That’s why ice magic. Looking at how that goddamn goddess seems so particular about her appearance, I’ll lower the temperature of this room with ice magic until it snows and we get frostbite or her skin becomes a little rough. This is the biggest revenge that can be done now. ...It’s rather pathetic if I say so myself, but it is better than nothing. Is it my luck that her clothes exposes a lot of her skin? Skin, become rough!! Roughen uup!!)
“Temperature, fall!! Snow, fall!”
As soon as those words were mentioned while imagining a heavy snowstorm, the temperature fell suddenly and snow fluttered down in large quantities. At the same time, I felt something exiting my body. That might be the feeling of consuming magic. It feels a bit like self-destruction when I felt the biting cold but it’s a success isn’t it?
Huh? Doesn’t she feel cold at all? Eh??
“A, ehm. Goddess-saan, isn’t it cold?”
I ask the self-proclaimed goddess in a timid tone.
“Hee～, don’t you have talent for magic? Well, I, who gave you such a talent is even greater! Hmm? I am a goddess, it’s impossible for me to feel cold. Are you worried about me? By any chance, have you fallen in love with me? I’ll have to refuse, sadly. I only accept ikemens. When you become good-looking, come try again. ☆”
Damn annoying goddess, shall I beat you up seriously? Let’s beat her up right now.
Before beating her up, because of the falling snow, my glasses fogged up and I can’t see. Should I take off my glasses then beat her up?
“Aaa～ ice magic can’t be used in these kinds of situations. Okay, let’s beat her up already. Growl, my right hand”
His forelock was lifted a little using his left hand, glasses taken off, and his bangs shaken to the sides. After arranging his hair, Iori’s complete appearance was reflected in the goddess’s eyes.
“You, a virgin, wants to beat me up? A goddess and a symbol of beauty...for...oh?”
After taking off the mask, underneath was my rarely seen face.
The moment the goddess who had called me a virgin, dull, and other awful things saw my face, she became terribly confused shouting “Eh?! Eeh?! Who are you?!” with a surprised face. Her cheeks are flushing pink… must be the snow.
Wait, wait, wait, didn’t I just tell you my name?
And haven’t you been calling me a virgin? My soul had been painfully shaven off for it’s plainness so shall I shut you up now?
As I approach the goddess to beat her up, the goddess was mumbling something incoherent with bright red cheeks and slobber on her face, “Eh? You’re coming towards me……. is it a kiss? A love confession? Wa-wait…it is still too early… we should take it step by step…right? Right?…Guhehehehehe…”
My appearance used to be praised quite a bit a long time ago, but for it to be useful here……… I should make good use of this situation. Uh-huh, I’ll do that. Now that that’s decided, it’s time for my revenge against this damn goddess.
With a sinister smile on my face, I walked right below the goddess.
Well, it's time for punishment. If I lose, I'll try again. Hmm… how bad should my payback be?
“…Hey, you damn goddess with the abusive mouth, what’s wrong? Aren’t you acting all suspicious and all? Where has all your foul vocab gone? Hey? Hey?”
She’s not saying anything? Not that I mind, and for your information, I’m no masochist.
Huhahaha, probably this goddess has hardly talked with any men. Since I know, I will attack her weak point thoroughly. You suck? Trash? Virgin? Say something. Only when I get to prick her sore spots will it be worth it ……Wait a minute, virginity has nothing to do with this.
“Yo…you…… let me rephrase that, when you arrived you wore strange glasses and I…That's it! I must have been mad! It’s all your glasses’ fault! Ah… but I have said terrible things to you… what should I do so that you’ll forgive me? …Ah, I have a good idea. I’ll devote myself to you for the rest of my life!! I will give you all of me!! Okay? That’s why… please forgive me?”
…………What is this sudden change of tactics?
She must be scheming something. Just a while ago, she was spitting abuse and looking at me as if I were trash, staying far away from me. But now she’s forcing her chest onto my body……this useless goddess must have gone crazy.
And also, what good idea? Who the heck would want a gaudy woman like her as a servant.
That’s fine though, let’s resume with the avenging. Since I’m a man who pays someone back twice as bad.
The damn goddess was nervously fidgeting around, her face facing the floor. The moment her attention was directed to me, I use the body strengthening skill and move behind the goddess in an instant.
For myself who once had a bout of chuuni-syndrome, there exists no walls in my imagination!! It’s not impossible to use the skills if you know what it means.
Seeing that I had disappeared from her sight, the goddess raised a stupid cry. I ignored that and hugged the body of the slender goddess gently from behind.
“Hey, first, won’t you tell me your name? Although calling you Goddess isn’t bad, there’s still some distance between us? I’m sad……”
I whispered in her ear. Just like how a lover would whisper sweet nothings to his beloved. In addition I changed my tone to sound like the sweet timbre of an actor.
By the way, this flirtatious line was taken from a mid-day drama I watched when Kaede came to my house for some reason last Saturday, where the male part was in a scene of a liaison. “Can you try saying these words to Kaede? If you don’t, I’ll share with the whole class Iori’s #*?! and @#$& as well as other stuff like that.” she threatened, so I ended up in this plight where I had to repeat it endlessly till I could perfectly copy it.
“～～～!?Eh… emm …I-I-I’m Rifia! My friends call me Rifi… and …I want you to call me that as well...”
The damn goddess/Rifia became really red in her face and looked down. This is super cutee…….oops, pleasant, pleasant. There is such a thing as revenge too. Am I an S because of this? Surely not. Or is it an M?
That... damn goddess, her character changes way too drastically. Is this the rumored Choroin? ( Tl note: Choroin is a easy peasy heroine who falls in love with the mc immediately after their encounter like Stella from Rakudai Kishi no Eiyuutan)
“So… Rifia is your name, a lovely name. Rifi is too cute… you’re so cute I want to just eat you up…”
I whispered in her ear and blew on it softly for the finale.
That was quite the performance. If I was older by about 10 years, I might have been chosen to star in that actor’s role!
Well, do I leave her soon? Still, this goddess has a uselessly big chest… Oops, banish those evil thoughts. Nothing else was weird except for the surrealism of a small man embracing a huge woman from behind.
I slowly separated my arms from Rifia after a few seconds of hugging. But when I did,
Suddenly my lips were stolen. Rifia’s arms were twining around my neck.
The moment I separated my hands which had embraced her closely, the goddess turned around, brought her lips close to my face and kissed me.
Hmmm?? That’s odd? Where did I make a mistake? Did I say the lines differently? No no, I should have completely copied it, getting it wrong is impossible.
…. After that it should’ve ended but I got kissed instead………huh!?
“Nnn… puhaa, haa, haa. It makes me happy that you have feelings for me, but to tell you the truth I’m not too fond of gaudy women like you…. Frankly I like neat and clean cute girls better. So…? huh? Nnnn!!”
Since I was out of breath, I ended up grasping the shoulders trying to put distance between myself and the cause of my lack of oxygen, the goddess’s lips. But once again, her lips met my lips.
……Dangerous, dangerous. When I tried dissing her to lower her image and feelings of like for me, it seems to have backfired on me instead.
Is it just my imagination or are those cheeks drooping in pleasure? Please let it be my imagination!!
……Haa! Right, wouldn’t the lines of a male lead in the middle of a liaison be very useful now? Remember.
…………………Ah, that reminds me, that cheating bastard divorced his wife to stick to his lover……
Daaammmnn, didn’t I just make the perfect mistake?... What to do now?…
“Nnn, puhaa……Iori-kuun, am I not to your liking? Let me become your perfect woman. Okay? Okay? I can become exactly how you'd like your women to be.”
Wanting to talk to me, the goddess finally separated her lips. Hey hey, when did my favorability increase so much? Even a Choroin in an gal game would take a little more time.
……………Looks like it’s too late, but, oh well. I will escape from reality, now send me off to the other world. Yup.
“First, can you send me to the different world soon? …W-well, for your sake!!”
Saying such an unreasonable thing. It’s totally for my own sake.
“Umm, although I want to be here forever with Iori, but I’ll listen to Iori since you said so. Please wait a moment, because I will also go to the other world too! Ah, because I don’t want Iori to die, I’ve given you an additional skill! See you and have a safe trip!”
Rifia has given me an additional skill with a wholly smiling face……Is there a way to make someone hate you?
After all that I finally leave for the other world. After Rifia-san’s “Have a safe trip” she added softly “my dear husband” or was it my imagination?
… how did things turn out this way? I muttered looking at the black ceiling, my body wrapped in light the moment Rifia finished her words.
~Guest Edited by Ydobon